Memories from a Journal
by umgirl2000
Summary: Imagine Barbara wrote a journal... and Tom finds it after her death. This is the story.
1. Chapter 1

Tom Hereward knew for sure after the slideshow ended. He would be joining Arthur Gilbert in New Guinea. It was almost as if seeing his late wife's sweet smile on screen was the urging he needed. It would be difficult, but after returning to Poplar he knew he needed to get away.

* * *

The announcement was made at Sunday lunch. After lunch, Phyllis promised him copies of the photos used in the slideshow. He requested two each of them- one for him and one for Arthur. Phyllis nodded and said she would have them ready before he sailed. She said she would be honored to drive him to the port in London and he agreed.

Fred smiled at his young friend. He couldn't imagine losing his first wife even before their two daughters had been born. It helped in a way having the reminders of her living in the house. It did make it more difficult, but it was better. He promised Tom that he and Reggie would look after the grave. Tom smiled and once again thanked Reggie for the gift of the carousel. Reggie simply wrapped his arms around his friend and hugged him. He may not have known Nurse Barbara well but she had always greeted him with a smile. She had been there the day of his mum's funeral, and that he would always remember.

* * *

As Tom once again packed up the rectory, he found several leatherbound journals in the bookcase. He knew his wife had kept the journals, but he hadn't remembered where she had placed them. It only seemed fitting that he would find them this close to the day he left. He rubbed his hands over the covers and placed them in his suitcase. They would make the journey to New Guinea with him. It would be another way to take his wife with him.

* * *

As Tom settled into the journey, he found himself with some free moments. He didn't have to worry about his girlfriend and then fiancee getting sick over his trousers. She wasn't beside him. Something inside him urged him to open the first journal. So, he settled into a seat and opened the first one.

 _"I found out my assignment. I'm going to Poplar to a place called Nonnatus House. I'm to live with a group of nuns. Papa was quite pleased when he heard the news. He has been so protective of me since my mother died..._

 _Anyways, I'm almost packed. I spent my graduation money on a beautiful green jacket. Margaret thought it ghastly looking, but I love the bright color. It reminds me of my mother's green eyes. It will be nice to have at least one new thing when I go to Poplar. Everything else is either given to me by one of the other girls or something Margaret has tired of... the joys of being a baby sister."_

Tom smiled at the memories. He remembered the green jacket. It was a bit bright for Poplar, but it suited her. And she was right about her wardrobe. She had told him after the wedding that Phyllis had gifted her with the new undergarments... and that she had said with an adorable blush. She rarely bought anything else new choosing instead to either make it or finding ways to darn dresses she found in the charity box. For someone who didn't make much money, it truly endeared him to her to see her finding even this simple way to save money.

The supper bell tolled and Tom got up to go eat. The journey would take several weeks, and the journals would help pass the time.


	2. Chapter 2: 5x01

Chapter 2

 _What a first few days it has been. I can't even begin to remember all of it... mostly because I got drunk my first night! Oh, how I would have disappointed Father. But, oh how I wanted to seem as cool as Trixie and Patsy. Trixie is a blonde with a boyfriend- the local vicar! Patsy looked so cool in her plaid pajamas. And, here I was stuck in my dressing gown that Laura teased me looked like_ ameobas _when we roomed together._

Tom smiled at the first mention of him. He was dating Trixie then, and didn't even realize Barbara existed. He was too focused on the girl who was his first love. He hadn't dated much before moving to Poplar and somehow he got up the gumption to ask Trixie out. That date had turned out to be a disaster thanks to Fred's bus. It almost had seemed like an omen for the relationship, but he truly hoped Trixie was well on her way to recovery. Her note that had arrived after the death of the Barbara had been one of the sweetest and also most bittersweet. She would always have a place in his heart, but it was nowhere near the love he had for Barbara.

 _Dogs around here are quite brave. Once my bike fell over, it became quite apparent the dogs thought my underwear was a toy! Who rescued me was the first person I met- Sister Monica Joan. I later learned may not be the most reliable with her memory but has a love of all things sweet. I sat beside her as Mrs. Turner gave a lecture about bottle feeding vs breast milk (she was quite good) and Sister Monica Joan stole my biscuit! Oh well! I got to see the workings of a clinic- I can't wait to dive in myself. I didn't have my uniform on due to the trouble with my suitcase, so Sister Julienne politely refused to let me help. Rather, she said it was already all in hand. Oh, how I hate being late!_

Tom smiled at the memory of her uniform. It was one of his favorite clothing items to remove after a long day of her working. The well-worn fabric did little to hide her figure when they danced close and his hands wandered. The blue color was absolutely beautiful on her.

* * *

Meals on the ship were quite raccous at time. Tom found himself searching for a quiet corner. Being in the midst of grief, he craved the silence. He knew people wondered why a man of cloth would keep to himself, but he did. He knew he would eventually have to socialize, but he wasn't in the mood. He only hoped it would change by the time he arrived in New Guinea.

The journals were keeping him company, but often times the memory was overwhelming. He found himself taking walks around the ship. He tried to smile at the other people, but most of the time it was forced. He had walked into a room so quietly that the other people didn't hear him. He could hear them discussing him- a young woman and man. The man supposed he was praying, but the woman said, "No, I think he's missing someone." How right the young woman was. He turned around and left the room before the young couple saw him.

 _I don't write AU fiction. I just write what I see. This idea wouldn't leave me alone. I'm guessing it will cover each episode- one per chapter or around there. I'm not entirely sure. Will I cover his time in New Guinea? I really don't know, I don't know if I can imagine it enough to do it justice to write it._

 _Reviews will keep this story being written and not forgotten._


	3. Chapter 3: More Introductions

**Chapter 3: More Introductions *****

By the third day of the voyage, seasickness threatened to catch up with Tom. If he hadn't experienced it before with the formidable Nurse Crane on board, he wouldn't have known about the barley sugar trick. When Phyllis had dropped him off at the dock, she handed him two packages. One held the pictures and the other was full or barley sugar twists. Phyllis had patted him on his arm and said simply, "Seasickness."

As he sucked the candy, Tom knew once the voyage was over he wouldn't touch them again until he returned home to Poplar. The flavor was rather vile, but it was doing the trick. He smiled at the memory of kissing his fiancee on the voyage back and tasting the vile candy on her lips. It was keeping her from being sick, but the taste almost turned him away from kissing her again!

 _"Today was a rather_ humilitating _day. I can't seem to find my footing here. Father would be disappointed to know the bike I insisted I take with me will not_ be use _. Fred, a jolly fellow who seems to wear a lot of hats, absolutely proved himself right when he said it wouldn't do. Instead, I will have to make my journeys around Poplar on a clunkier version which is quite heavier. I know I shall_ recieve _a workout!"_

 _"Sister Evangelina is the toughest nut to crack around here. I kept messing up in front of her and it was so humbling. I even dropped a tray of medical supplies. Oh, man... my sister would have a laugh at me for sure! The worse part is Sister Julienne has assigned me to work with her. The mother who was so bold at the talk gave birth to her only surviving child. I aim to help her, but convincing Sister Evangelina took a_ master _of moments. I finally did... and my legs are quite sore after biking back and forth to the hospital."_

Tom smiled at the memory of Sister Evangelina. She could quite scare anyone when she wanted to do so. Her tough upbringing and serving as a midwife during the war had toughened her beyond belief. He also knew she had a softer interior that was rarely revealed. Her surprise death had shocked Poplar to its core- in a way even more than Barbara's.

"How are you not so green like the rest of us?" asked a quiet voice. Tom looked up from the journal and saw a red-headed young woman sitting next a distinguished looking gentelman. It was the same couple he had heard discussing him previously.

"Barley sugar twists. Tastes awful, but it somehow does the trick for me," Tom answered. "I have a few here if you want to try them. I'm Tom, by the way."  
"Evan Glenside and this is my wife Cassie," the gentleman answered as he took the offered gift. Tom couldn't help but smirk as their facial expressions changed as they tasted the candy. It took them a few moments to finish, but when they did he could tell it had done the trick with their seasickness.

"How did you learn about this?" Cassie asked hoping to engage the vicar in more conversation. She herself was the youngest daughter of a vicar and felt a kinship to the quiet man on the boat.  
"This isn't my first voyage. Two years ago, I went with the people I live near to South Africa. My girlfriend was terribly seasick and a fellow midwife suggested trying her barley sugar twists. It worked, so when I left on this trip, she gave me more," Tom answered as his tone softened at the mention of Barbara.  
Cassie had noticed his wedding ring and surmised that something had happened to his wife. He didn't seem to be deep in newlywed bliss like herself and Evan.

"Where are you going?" Evan asked- hoping to keep the man talking. He had seen his uncle quite drunk over grief and hoped to keep this young man from following in his footsteps.

"New Guinea. My father-in-law invited me to work with him as a missionary after the death of my wife," Tom said quietly as he stood up. "If you will excuse me, I have things I need to do before the dinner bell rings." With a nod, Tom walked away from the newlyweds.

At dinner, the Glensides sat with Tom once again. They found other topics to discuss with him- Evan found in him a fellow fan of sports. Cassie chose to draw them as she watched them play a round of chess. Tom found it more of a relief to not have to mention Barbara again, but the topic would arise again. He only hoped it would get easier with time.

* * *

 _"I am so jealous of Trixie. Here she is the lead midwife at clinic. Everyone respects her. She's got the looks, the clothes and the man. I finally met the vicar- Tom. He is quite handsome, and he and Trixie are now engaged. Trixie practically started planning their wedding tonight. But, I can't help but wonder if she knows everything that goes into being the wife of a clergy. Oh well, it's better for me not to interfere. Tomorrow, my new roommate arrives and I better straighten the room before she does!"_

 ** _***_** _The characters of Evan and Cassie Glenside I can't claim I created. I borrowed them from the book: "The vicar's Daughter" written by Josi S. Kilpack._

 _I need to do some research and find out how long this voyage could last. It seems to take quite awhile by flying, so it might be four weeks. Also, I said that evch chapter would cover one episode but I realized I needed to do her introduction to Fred and Sister Evangelina. Nurse Crane is next, so wish me luck!_

 _Reviews, likes and comments are food for this author's soul._


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